Nervous System Relationship vs. Regulation

What is your relationship with your nervous system?

Many speak about regulating your nervous system, or improving your vagal tone, etc.. I always have an image of beating our nervous system into submission. Let’s look at the definitions…

When I demand the nervous system to, “Regulate! Regulate! Regulate!” It will, until it doesn’t. The undercurrent of what is happening in one’s body won’t go away just because one has made the body more compliant to a more desirable state. When I try to cajole, manipulate or order my nervous system around, I can have short term compliance. I have PENTY of tricks for short term compliance, and sometimes we need these tricks to get through tough moments of our lives. But, it’s not very sustainable for a long term relationship.

I teach my clients how to have a relationship with their nervous system and body, which means both listening and sharing. When I foster a healthy relationship with my nervous system, there is room for curiosity. Any sensations, even unpleasant ones, are allowed to be there. While I don’t enjoy them, the unpleasant sensations often give me the most information about what is happening in my body.

When I honor what is happening in my nervous system, this gives me space to invite a change rather than manipulating myself into a new state with my bag of Polyvagal Tricks. Fostering this relationship may look like: body scans, meditation, self care, touch, tears, shaking, laughter and more. Like any relationship, it requires time and attention.

This doesn’t mean I don’t utilize my bag of tricks when I have to do things like get a blood draw or spend time with people I don’t enjoy. I’m grateful for all the body hacks I’ve learned to get through difficult experiences.

It does mean that thanks to my relationship with my nervous system, I don’t have to pull out a hammer every time I need a little support or need to ask my vagus nerve to cooperate a bit more.

How would you describe your relationship with your nervous system? Connected? Distant? Clashing? Harmonious? Complicated?

What do you want this relationship to be like?